Tales from Mommyland

"I have to keep reminding myself that I am their mother. 

Sometimes we are sitting at home and I feel like we are waiting for our mom to come home."

– Ruby Wax

Is today Monday?  Are you sure?  Today has felt like a Monday.  Perhaps it's the hangover of staying up late last night with the Prince or maybe it's from having two sick kids over the weekend or the three short days before they are home for good the summer.  Whatever the reason, I have not been functioning at all today.  Here is a brief peek in to the most comical incidences of my day:

• Couldn't find the toast I swore I put in the toaster.  Where could it be?  Toast doesn't get up and walk away does it?  When did I buy that bread?  Is it possible it's so old the mold spores can make it move??  Nope.  It's buttered and sitting on my plate.  I only figure this out when I go to put the butter back and can't figure out why it was sitting on the counter.  Next.to.the.toast.
• Went to check to see if the pasta for dinner was ready to be rinsed.  Grab spoon, stir boiling hot water, fish out a piece of pasta and insert said pasta out of the boiling hot water directly in my mouth.  Think to myself it really burns and is super hot but be in a stupor about what to do with boiling hot piece of pasta scorching my mouth so I just eat it.  My mouth still hurts three hours later.
• Throw laundry that is hanging in to dryer to fluff.  Almost done putting laundry in when I take a shirt off the hanger and throw in.  Loud clank.  Stare at shirt in hand and assess what is wrong with this picture.  Stare two minutes longer.  Finally figure out shirt in hand, hanger in dryer (said in caveman 'I am Jane' kind of way) and correct.  Reach for next shirt and repeat previous steps.  Stop as hanger is going in dryer on the third shirt.
• Reread this post three times and be stumped about access in the last sentence.  What am I trying to say and HOW do I spell it?  Access doesn't seem right.  Occess situation?  Ah-ah-ah-cess.  Sounds like an A.  Why doesn't the word seem right?  Why?  Isn't that access.  I don't want access what is wrong.  Stare dumbly at computer longer.  Think about looking up in the dictionary.  But the dictionary is all the way over there (by this I mean across the kitchen table, which mind you, would make me get up out of my chair) and if I can't spell it in the first place what good would that do me?  Enjoy wave of relief about not having to get up and in relaxed state, it comes to me.  Assess.  Duh.  PS...I am right, right?  I'd hate to go off on that rant just to be called out on still being wrong.  However, I'm taking the chance.  Please hold your tongue - not literally (grandpa C I'm talking to you) - if I am not correct.  I am passing go anyways.

And BTW, yes, I do drink caffeine.  Yes, I had more than one coffee today.  Imagine this brain off (legal) drugs.